Asking For What You Need

When I did my first “How Do You Do It” post, I had no intention of making it a blog series. Honestly I didn’t really feel like I had all that much new to offer. But, I love making lists and using GIFs, and it turns out I actually do have some cool skills I’ve picked up through my years of being handicapped. 
One of these skills is being able to ask for what I need – whether it’s a glass of water or proper medical care. This is something that I still struggle with, and I think most people do regardless of physical ability. Below are a few things I’ve determined to be helpful. 
1. Determine whether you actually need it

It can be hard to confidently ask for something when it is something you can do without. My life is a lot of weighing my choices: Will the person doing this for me be more uncomfortable than I currently am if they don’t do it? If the answer to that is yes, I generally don’t ask for it or will wait until it’s a little more convenient. Which brings me to point 2. 

image
2. Timing

Asking for a drink of water right after someone has gotten back from being in the kitchen is not a great call. I was awful at this as a kid, mostly because I was awful at #3.

  
3. Planning ahead

If I know that I’m going to need a ride somewhere in three weeks, I try my best (though I often fail) to ask people ahead of time. This gives them the opportunity to shuffle their plans, or tell me they can’t help without feeling guilty. 

  
4. Be confident

This mostly comes into play when I’m advocating for myself with doctors. After 18 years of dealing with my disability, I can confidently say that I know more about it than the doctors in my area – through no fault of their own, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Because I am so confident in this, I know that I can ask for exactly what I need and don’t have to take “no” for an answer. It makes it easier to ask for what you need if you’re confident that you know what you’re talking about!

  
5. Explain the end goal

It’s great to ask for help in achieving just about anything, but if the person you’re asking for help doesn’t know what you’re trying to achieve they may not be able to help you! One example of this that comes to mind is when I ask for help repositioning in my wheelchair. My dad always gets frustrated with me because my go-to sentence is “Can you move me?” How much good does that do? It’s much more useful to say “My hip is hurting me, can you help me move so I’m not putting pressure on it?” It makes it easier on everyone. 

  
This isn’t strictly a disability problem – the more specific you can be the more quickly you’ll be able to work with someone else to get what you need!

Hopefully even if you’re not disabled, this was helpful. People really do want to help – you just have to be willing to ask!