Asking For What You Need

When I did my first “How Do You Do It” post, I had no intention of making it a blog series. Honestly I didn’t really feel like I had all that much new to offer. But, I love making lists and using GIFs, and it turns out I actually do have some cool skills I’ve picked up through my years of being handicapped. 
One of these skills is being able to ask for what I need – whether it’s a glass of water or proper medical care. This is something that I still struggle with, and I think most people do regardless of physical ability. Below are a few things I’ve determined to be helpful. 
1. Determine whether you actually need it

It can be hard to confidently ask for something when it is something you can do without. My life is a lot of weighing my choices: Will the person doing this for me be more uncomfortable than I currently am if they don’t do it? If the answer to that is yes, I generally don’t ask for it or will wait until it’s a little more convenient. Which brings me to point 2. 

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2. Timing

Asking for a drink of water right after someone has gotten back from being in the kitchen is not a great call. I was awful at this as a kid, mostly because I was awful at #3.

  
3. Planning ahead

If I know that I’m going to need a ride somewhere in three weeks, I try my best (though I often fail) to ask people ahead of time. This gives them the opportunity to shuffle their plans, or tell me they can’t help without feeling guilty. 

  
4. Be confident

This mostly comes into play when I’m advocating for myself with doctors. After 18 years of dealing with my disability, I can confidently say that I know more about it than the doctors in my area – through no fault of their own, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Because I am so confident in this, I know that I can ask for exactly what I need and don’t have to take “no” for an answer. It makes it easier to ask for what you need if you’re confident that you know what you’re talking about!

  
5. Explain the end goal

It’s great to ask for help in achieving just about anything, but if the person you’re asking for help doesn’t know what you’re trying to achieve they may not be able to help you! One example of this that comes to mind is when I ask for help repositioning in my wheelchair. My dad always gets frustrated with me because my go-to sentence is “Can you move me?” How much good does that do? It’s much more useful to say “My hip is hurting me, can you help me move so I’m not putting pressure on it?” It makes it easier on everyone. 

  
This isn’t strictly a disability problem – the more specific you can be the more quickly you’ll be able to work with someone else to get what you need!

Hopefully even if you’re not disabled, this was helpful. People really do want to help – you just have to be willing to ask!

How Do You Do It: Accepting Compliments

I talk often about how I don’t usually relate to other people with disabilities. Since I’ve started openly saying that, ironically, I’ve met tons of others I totally relate to. It turns out that by putting your truest self out there, you’re much more likely to attract others with similar views. While I always value opinions that differ from mine sometimes it’s nice to have people who just get you.
One of the less-than-popular views I hold is that, as a disabled person, it’s okay to accept compliments without assuming they were given out of pity. So, that bring said, I’d like to offer my fellow crips a how-to guide on handling compliments (even “pity” ones):

1. Smile 

2. Assume its sincere, because you really do kick ass

3. Say “thank you”

4. Carry on with your day

  
That’s it! 4 easy, no-stress steps to accepting compliments without being offended by the kindness of others. 

How Do You Do It: Airline Travel

I’ve been in a wheelchair for the last 19 years of my life, but I would not consider myself an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t usually feel I have a lot to offer in the way of new information to others with disabilities, because honestly I’m still figuring it out as I go.

One thing I feel pretty confident writing about, though, is traveling as a person with a mobility disability. Maybe it’s because we didn’t even know enough to be worried but even as a very young child my family never considered not traveling, just because of my wheelchair. As a result, I’ve got a few travel tips pertaining to flying, because I know this is something a lot of people who use wheelchairs (electric wheelchairs in particular) never do!

Bear in mind, I’m not an actual expert. This is all based on my own experiences. I’d love to hear tips from any other wheelies!

 

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED

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Frankly, this is always the case. When I was younger, I was always scared to tell people what I needed because I was afraid I was inconveniencing them. As I get older, I’m realizing that as a general rule, people really don’t mind helping!

Don’t be afraid to ask the flight attendants for another pillow for positioning, or a blanket, or even help moving your feet or arms to where you need them. I’ve flown many different airlines, but by far my best experience was with JetBlue. While my dad was reassembling my chair (see #3), the flight attendant held me so that I didn’t have to wait alone on the plane while my dad was preparing my seat. I mean, really? That is some serious service.

2. MAINTAIN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

 

I have heard about a lot of negative experiences with the TSA but in the 15+ times that I’ve gone through a security checkpoint I have never had one problem. I attribute this to the fact that I have never gone into it expecting something bad to happen. I always make it very clear what parts of my body are sore or shouldn’t be touched, as well as what ways my body can and can not bend. As a result, my pat downs are always quick, painless, and generally pretty chatty. Instead of looking at it as a chore or an inconvenience, I look at it as them doing their jobs and am always sure to say thank you. I’m going on 18 years of traveling and I have never met a TSA agent who wasn’t pleasantly surprised by my upbeat attitude!

3. ASK TO GATE CHECK YOUR WHEELCHAIR

When you’re checking in, ask the ticketing agent if you can remain in your own wheelchair until you get to the plane door. This will allow you the freedom to get around the airport yourself, as well as to remain more comfortable than you will be in a standard sized manual chair. Due to the configuration of some airports, particularly the smaller ones, this isn’t always possible – but it never hurts to ask! If you do gate check your check, they’ll likely bring it back up to the plane door to meet you after your flight.

It helps to have a working knowledge of your chair. For example, I know that my wheelchair batteries are sealed gel cell batteries, which means they don’t pose any problems regarding safety. If you’re traveling alone, ensure that you know how to explain to a handler how to switch your wheelchair into manual mode, which is how it will need to be for them to navigate it to the cargo hold.

4. ARRIVE TO THE AIRPORT EARLY

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Airlines always recommend getting to the airport 2 hours early, but if we’re being real nobody does that. Well, YOU should. One time I arrived early and still almost missed my flight because they detected uranium on my hands when they swabbed them…what? Apparently sometimes bananas can do this (pro tip – don’t eat bananas if you don’t want to be labeled a terrorist). Generally I end up with a ton of extra time on my hands after I get through security, but it is much better than having to rush to explain all of my unique needs. Rushing tends to cause problems, so it’s best to be able to take your time.

5. BRACE YOURSELF FOR LANDING

This really only applies to people like myself who have very weak trunk strength – but it’s an important one. Even the smoothest landing comes to a very abrupt stop and will send you flying forward. I have never traveled alone so I have always had either a parent or a friend to “soccer mom” me and hold their arm across my chest to make sure I don’t hit the seat in front of me. If you’re traveling alone, you may want to ask about either a harness seat belt instead of just the lap belt, or befriend your seat neighbor! Most people are glad to help with things like this – even if it’s a little awkward. It’s something that a lot of people don’t prepare themselves for and you could be asking for trouble!

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If you don’t fly, you won’t have any blurry family photos taken at a German Christmas market. Would you want to miss out on that?
Hopefully these tips helped. Like I said, I’m not an expert! However, I have done a ton of both domestic and international travel and have been doing all of these things my whole life without any problems!